Season’s Beatings

Inspired by the verbal stylings of one Steve Pulcinella, I decided to actually do some off-season training. Like any other reality-challenged and overly zealous athlete, I randomly pulled out of my ass that I could drop 10lbs in two weeks while finishing off the last of the liquor cabinet, and eating nothing but cheese. So long as my workouts were long enough, of course. At the end of week one, I’m only down 3lbs, but am on pace to clean the liquor cabinet and the cheese drawer.

After my misadventures with the doctor in October, I had decided to all but give up on dairy, red meat, fat, and most carbs. Subsisting instead on <1800 calories a day of coffee, granola bars, sushi and turkey. Or, what one could compare to two months of the Wankmeister Hunger Diet. Two nights ago; however, dinner was brie, two kinds of cheddar, and a cured meat tray. Last night, I remember having a giant plate of melted cheese over chorizo and jalapenos, then it all becomes a bit hazy. Waking this morning in a pool of whey, dried chorizo grease stuck to the side of my salty, cracked lips, I realized queso fundito is a helluva drug.

Needless to say, the last two days have been a bit sluggish. Then of course, there’s always this. Embrace the serendipity of catching up on blogs.

That’s the thing about cycling, though. We sell ourselves the myth. The myth that cycling lets us defy nature and proper nutrition. The myth that a wheelset can keep us from getting shelled out the back next year. Maybe the myth that this two weeks of hell is going to somehow make me more competitive in 2013. Much like Frank Schleck, I guess I’ll find out in January if it was worth it.

Or, maybe I should take the sagelike advice of The Secret Pro.

But at the end of the day why do I need to be lean and fit in December? Why should they be worried about skinfolds in December when the season doesn’t start for such a long time after?

‘Tis the season for skinfolds.

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